i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
