I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
