What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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