So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Welp...herpes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
