walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
