And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
