You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
