At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
