I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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