ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
