giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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