I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
