the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
