He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
