If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
