Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My first STD was from a foam party
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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