I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
