I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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