If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
