Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
