"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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