I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
