Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
