i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
