I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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