**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
