Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
