What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
