I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
