Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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