She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
