somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
