I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
