i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
