their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
