Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
