Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
