New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
