i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
