Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
