the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
