so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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