there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
