hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
