i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That accounts for only three of the penises
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
