i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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