I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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