Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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