I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
