I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
