I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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