so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
