I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
