I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
